Take it Easy

I feel that the real desire to avoid any type of creation, artwork, writing etc. that I have been experiencing is an even bigger sign for me to do just that.
I have avoided my personal journal for months because I attempt to rationalize the idea that I just don't know what to say.
Any one who knows me in person is probably laughing at that idea; I always have something to say, and then some.
But today I woke up and felt different.
Maybe it was the slight change in barometric pressure in the atmosphere followed by the storm clouds rolling into the valley on the horizon.
I may feel a little bit more connected to my universe, inner goddess and soul from my very sweaty and much needed yoga practice.
It might be the little bit of herbal encouragement sparking new neuron connections in my brain. 
So here I sit, at my seafoam green desk, with three candles and a frankinsence burning, the windows blowing in some fresh "autumn" air, the light is muted and cloudy.
I find myself very sensitive and in tuned with the changing seasons; time of year. There is a shift in energy and I feel it radiating off of every human I come into contact with.
It's a feeling deep in my bones, chakras and mindseye.
Change is coming.
And it has never felt more important to be gentle with my empath self.

These are the days I live for. 

Growing up in Arizona would be few and far between rainy days. And when those days did grace my hometown, it was as if a new beginning was around every corner.
I can only speak for myself, but each monsoon or drizzly day brought a new hope to my consciousness; the world outside almost felt magical with the dewy grass, my favorite smell of wet concrete and dirt, the clean air to breathe and snail"hunting" or in my case, saving from the busy roads.
But for some reason, I've been lacking a desire to create. To write, to paint, to sketch, to draw, to sing.
My person has been encouraging me for months to sing with him; claiming I have a good voice (lolz love you baby)
Only in the solitude of my crazy, beautiful mess of a brain, will I admit how there is nothing more that I want than to create with him.
As the calm, moaning voice of Jessica Lea Mayfield plays on repeat from my speakers, I may just pick up the long neglected paintbrush from the box labeled "art stuff" under my bed.

always breathe deeply.
the 20-something old soul

Hair Cuts and Life Decisions

It's amazing when you finally gain the courage to speak your truth.
And to see the domino affect of the Universe displaying all the connections and scenarios that so very clearly show you that it was all meant to be.

"Sometimes you need to step outside, get some air and remind yourself of who you are and who you want to be." 

Traveling around Europe for 2 1/2 weeks, being in foreign places, eating bizarre foods, sleeping in strange beds, missing my dog, feeling the ache and longing for my person even more, being thousands of miles away,
Was just what I needed to come face to face with the big fat elephant in my life.
The "Oh you must be so excited for this next adventure" that was making me feel badass whilst simultaneously sick to my stomach with anxiety and paralyzed with fear.
The attempt to be this wanderlust, adventure girl who can take off to uncharted territory for a year+ and feel completely content with all of the unknowns, question marks and spontaneity that Costa Rica would provide.

It is still difficult for me to say it out loud, to force myself to justify checking "no" on a once in a lifetime adventure.
Even more so, I find myself overly concerned with "what will people think?" when they hear that I opted out of my first post grad job in a tropical paradise, and basically, that I bailed; I wasn't adventurous enough, this facade of being light hearted and aching for wanderlust, is merely just an attempt to be something that I'm so obviously

NOT.

hmph.
It still stings. I follow instagram after instagram of these badass, wild, in love with life twenty-somethings and I so very badly want to be them. Be one of them. Buy a plane ticket to wherever and live life as a vagabond and gypsy, getting lost in town after town, meet people from all walks of life in every corner of the world.
Even as I write this, the longing creeps up again and the self doubt that seems to surface at the perfect time makes it's way to my consciousness.

But the truth is,

I'm a homebody. I love my bed and my library of books that hold so much meaning to me, and my dog's snores in the middle of the night, and the simplicity of home.
Traveling in Europe for 2 weeks was magical and exciting and moving, but wrapping it all up in a hot shower, crawling in between my sky blue sheets and under my dreamcatcher was almost sweeter.
I realized, I am longing to nest. To establish My home. As an adult, as Brooke Nicole, post college graduate, twenty-something, old soul.
So,
I finally spoke the words that kept me up late at night, tossing and turning, wondering and fretting;
 I will not be moving to Costa Rica in January to teach English abroad.
PHEW.
In the meantime, I will be living back at the nest with my loving and understanding mother whilst I work at a coffeeshop ( dream finally coming true! just call me barista Brooke) save money, study and get excited about my newest adventure that is Grad School and a home of my own.

I also chopped 6 inches off my forever long and messy, curly hair; ChChChChanges are good peeps <3

Always speak your truth,
the 20-somthing old soul